I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
