My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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