I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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