Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
