I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
