So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
