he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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