NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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