Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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