I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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