My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
