My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
