This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
