Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
