An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
