we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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