I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
