Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
