the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
