He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
