No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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