What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
