so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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