he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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