Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
