Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
