Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
