I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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