the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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