I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
