You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
