i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
