So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
