Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
