I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
