Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
