I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
