so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
