this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
