I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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