I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
