Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
