based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
