Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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