Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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