So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
