Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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