I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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