She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
