it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
