It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
