haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
